a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize