how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize