i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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