you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
