It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
