Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
