I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
