He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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