Apparently you make a good broom.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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