Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize