Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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