Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
