Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Randomize
