Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
