Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
