I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
