Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
