we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
