Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
