All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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