Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
