If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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