you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
