Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
