it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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