I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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