you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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