so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So apparently I’m into choking now
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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