Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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