Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize