Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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