Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
