I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
