I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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