If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
