I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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