I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize