Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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