We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
