I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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