White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
