spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
