It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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