Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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