i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
