The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize