i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
