Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
