First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
