the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
