Screwed.edu
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
