You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
