He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Still dying that you shit outside
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
