Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
