Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
