WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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