Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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