it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
