you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Randomize
