You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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