I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
