the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
