I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
