she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Are we still banned from the library?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwadâ€
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