I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
