ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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