So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
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