So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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