It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
