butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
