Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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