I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
3 2 1 whiskey
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
