You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
