i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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